The Ballad of Lord Kilpatrick
by Lady of Stormness Mountain
Summary: As the knights of Archenland returned to Anvard in chapter 22 of my story Knights of the Order of the Lion's Redemption, they begin to sing a little ballad around the forest campfire. Here, dear readers, you may find the ballad in its entirety: a silly little tune about an Archen nobleman who never laughed.


_Author's Note: _This little ballad is the product of spending far too long commuting to school everyday. It comes from chapter twenty-two, For Archenland and the North, of my long Narnia story _The Knights of the Order of the Lion's Redemption_. In that story, I only wrote 2 stanzas, but after finding myself overly bored while driving to class a few days ago, I decided to compose the rest to pass the time. For those who have not read _Lion's Redemption,_ this is an attempt at a traditional song of Archenland, a silly ballad sung for fun around a campfire as the knights returned from an adventure.

I will forewarn you, dear readers, the rhymes are often strained. I'm sure Eustace would explain that they are assonances, but it was the best I could come up with while composing it from memory as I tried to watch the road. The rhythm is often a tad strained as well, I'm sure, but I tried to keep the number of beats per line more or less consistent between 1st and 3rd and 2nd and 4th lines. In any case, they made sense when I sang them to the little tune I made up for it. I do tend to use older terminology (often it was the only way I could even come up with an assonance), so if the word as you know it doesn't make sense, put it into the online dictionary and look for the term under the heading "archaic." Also, the dots between stanzas and choruses are to keep the fanfiction document interface from deleting my spacing. Please ignore them.

I hope you enjoy this, the product of an overworked mind driven to complete silliness.

_Disclaimer: Narnia and Archenland do not belong to me. No copyright infringement is intended. The character of Lord Kilpatrick (whoever he is) is mine (unfortunately) and if you want to borrow him, both he and I would thank you to ask first._

* * *

The Ballad of Lord Kilpatrick

My good old Lord Kilpatrick

Was as dreary as you please.

He did'na fancy sunshine,

So dour and dry was he.

.

Ho, there! Hi, there!

Yon scalawags, get ye gone!

.

I once knew a little lad

Who tried to make him laugh.

Instead, he got a rock or two

And never came he back.

.

Ho, there! Hi, there!

Yon scalawags, get ye gone!

.

When winter came, he did complain

Of snow and ice and sleet.

When summer brought its warmth upon,

Yet still it was not meet.

.

Ho, there! Hi, there!

Yon scalawags, get ye gone!

.

One might presume his lady dear

Made up for all his faults.

But, nay, she was as dour as he,

Quite a dreary pair, I wot!

.

Ho, there! Hi, there!

Yon scalawags, get ye gone!

.

The solemn two did have a niece,

A bright and sunny lass.

She could charm from a dragon tears,

Yet her uncle, he stood fast.

.

Ho, there! Hi, there!

Yon scalawags, get ye gone!

.

On this October morning,

My lord was grumpy indeed.

But, lo, there came oe'er the greening hills

A marvelous sight to see!

.

Ho, there! Hi, there!

Yon scalawags, get ye gone!

.

His niece, she came a-bounding

Beside a fearsome steed.

His flanks were tall and creamy white,

And a horn of purple had he.

.

Ho, there! Hi, there!

Yon scalawags, get ye gone!

.

A dwarf did sit upon his back,

In clothes of red and green.

Bells hung on both his cap and shoes,

And a yellow lute had he.

.

Ho, there! Hi, there!

Yon scalawags, get ye gone!

.

The dwarf, he played a jaunty tune,

The unicorn did sing.

The fair-haired girl did dance to time,

What a cheery lot, those three!

.

Ho, there! Hi, there!

Yon scalawags, get ye gone!

.

My lord was surely at a loss

To explain what he did see,

But ne'ertheless could not deny

The sight his heart did reach.

.

Ho, there! Hi, there!

Yon scalawags, get ye gone!

.

What, nay! Say not! It cannot be!

Surely, mine eyes deceive!

A smile doth stretch from ear to ear,

and that sound, of laughter be!

.

Ho, there! Hi, there!

Yon scalawags, get ye gone!

.

My good old Lord Kilpatrick,

No longer dreary, you see!

The jaunty friends have thawed his heart,

And cheerful now is he!

.

Ho, there! Hi, there!

Yon scalawags, get ye gone!

Ho, there! Hi, there!

Yon scalawags, get thee gone!

.

* * *

_Thank you very much for reading my bit of silliness! I'd be ever so grateful if you would let me know what you thought!_


End file.
